Mummy Sleep

Oh Lordy, I'm fecked. Soooooooo tired. But here I sit typing away on the computer and, before I know it, it'll be 11pm and I'll be cursing myself for not slipping off to bed earlier.

I am a BIG fan of sleeping. Huge. Pre-baby I was the kind of girl who had to have 8 hours a night or I turned feral. Asleep by 10pm at the latest, up most mornings at 6.30pm for work. Saturday mornings were SLEEP INS. And I don't just mean any old sleep in - I regularly cracked the 1pm-er. A standard, general sleep in was at least 10am. To the point where friends and family dared not ring before 'double figures'.

In my early pregnancy (first 14 weeks) sleep was my number one pregnancy symptom. I needed it. Craved it. Fantasized about it. Ooooooooo, sleep. I often tucked myself into bed at 5.30pm and slept right through til 6.30am during the working week. I napped very day after work and was actually known to cry in utter despair and frustration when woken to socialise (we have a weekly Wednesday night dinner with friends that we have been doing for six years now. Keeping it going has always been an utter breeze...except for those first fourteen weeks. Poor Justin witnessed many a tanty as I prepared to do something as lovely as going out for dinner with our best mates. Please, don't mess with me and my sleep).

Having read the above, you'd expect the early weeks with a new baby to have been hell for me...but they weren't. Firstly, after Cate arrived, I actually started getting more sleep, as pre-baby I was waking every hour for the loo and post baby I was at least getting 3 - 4 hourly stretches...it felt decadant! Also, new mums are expected to be tired and people were incredibly accommodating. I could go to my parents and sleep there, I had friends who came over and sat with Cate whilst I napped. I also felt fine about popping myself off to bed whilst she napped in the morning or afternoon whilst I was home alone. I was spoilt. So, no, the early days, whilst hazy, weren't so bad. It's now the sleep deprivation has really set in.

You know why?

Because it's PERMANENT.

I don't have weekends to lounge around in bed all morning. To catch up. To make a deposit in the sleep bank. Each night when Cate goes down I know I should follow...but I CAN'T. I just crave the non-baby time so much, going to sleep seems like it would be an utter waste. I can't sleep during the day anymore either - it just fels like far too much when you have a 14 month old, not a new born. The house calls, the internet calls, friends drop by or call - nap time just disappears. Add to that the fact that when she sleeps (and I only get one day sleep out of her) I have to shower RIGHT THEN if I want to enjoy a baby-free shower (yes please).

Right now my eyes are gritty, my attitude is shitty and yet I still sit here typing away instead of getting my arse tucked up in bed. What is wrong with me?

*Shakes head sorrowfully. Re-reads post. Realises what an idiot she is, turns off computer and GOES TO BED. Finally!*